Random blurbs from me, Waylan.

If you had been able to choose, would you rather have been an only child or part of a very large family?

     Honestly, I can't see myself with not having a large family. Do you consider having three older brothers, having a large family? I mean, I guess if I never had my brothers, and it was just me, I'd still consider having lots of distant relatives as having a large family. I do find it and interesting thing to think about. I do wonder if it would be more of a detriment or a positive thing to have been an only child. I can see that maybe even if my parents had still gotten divorced, that it may have been easier financially and emotionally for them to have one child to deal with, and that could have meant more success for me.
     I will say that having three older brothers was hard growing up. I didn't feel the stereotypical youngest child things most kids talk about. I did feel more alone and isolated, but that wasn't anyone's fault really, I suppose. I do believe that I suffered from anxiety even at a young age, so it was harder for me to hang out and make friends outside of school and stuff. Besides, I already knew I was different, and wrong in the eyes of religion, even as young as, probably 10 or so years old, so that made my anxiety and issues worse.
     I do remember trying to hang out with my brothers, but they were still in that age were they didn't want their kid brother around, and I guess the fact that the one brother that was closest to me in age, did move away from me, was hard too. I bet we would have hung out more if we had stayed in the same household. We're still the closeset though, I would say. It is weird how age does that. Even though my oldest two brothers are not on the best of terms, I'd still say they are probably closer than I am with either of them, just because they were the first two children.
     I guess, I would still want brothers and/or sisters. I do think it would have been cool to have a sister, just because of the stereotypical sense of gay men and straight women getting along. I think it would have been interesting to see how I would have turned out having a close sister, although you could say that my cousin was practically that, as we spent lots of time together, even now.
     So there you have it, my thoughts on that. I guess my choice is kind of set as I would still like to have siblings...knowing what I am now, I need that support, even if just a little bit here and there. Knowing that you both came from the same place, and can relate a bit, helps.

Waylan Bolin